To(someday)Do
I must decide. The list of things I’d like to try, to do, (maybe even get good at,) is far too long. It’s been far too long for far too long and instead of narrowing as I grow older, it continues to blossom. My interest list grows like a tree. It’s spreading up and out, and maybe creating a metaphorical tree doesn’t sound so bad but not if it’s more out than up— branches creeping lazily along, almost parallel to the ground.
When I started writing this, it felt more like I was stuck in a hallway with a bunch of doors barely ajar. And instead of choosing a door to open further, I find a way to simply elongate the hallway. But the hallway is dark and windowless. Exciting in possibility but void of actual discovery.
I have been walking up and down the hallway nudging each door a little bit open as I pass each one. And often I find when I’ve come back around again to any given door that any progress I made is negated by stray air currents and the vagaries of hinges and frames and the weight of the door.
So something must be given up (even if I need to tell myself it’s only temporary) so I can go through one of the doors and see what I can do. I must decide. Because this (exhausting but not exhaustive) list is too much to consider as a list of possible activities on any given day:
Write song parodies
Learn how to sing
Learn how to play a keyboard
Learn how to play guitar
Learn how to create a drum track
Produce those song parodies!
Write a fantasy novel
Write short stories
Maintain a blog
Get a college degree
Listen to a book while I play with Legos
Learn Spanish
Learn Mandarin
Repaint our chairs
Update my YouTube channel
Learn how to use Twitch
Find a way to volunteer
Learn how to dress better
Get good at dancing
Get into TikTok
Konmari my life into perfection/oblivion
And, yes, a lot of these are ill-defined and could be broken down into smaller goals. Many of these doors lead to more door-filled hallways, the doors of which lead to door-filled hallways of their own.
If I were January this would just be about a girl who thinks about how cool it would be if she went through one of the doors
Some are deeply felt, some could best be described as recurring passing fancies, and some I actually do work on— but they all share the same space in my mind.
All of this, of course, while maintaining my health, my relationship with my wife, and a clean house, and continuing to raise my kids and help them with school and usher them safely through this pandemic. I can’t be rummaging around the endless corridors of my mind-attic while my family is downstairs waiting for me to make them dinner.
So this is a reminder to myself more than anything else. Maybe a reminder to you, too. Decide. Remember that being able to do anything isn’t the same as being able to do everything. Triage the most important and most compelling items. Make the choice to work on those manageable few every day. And then take the time to gather focus at the beginning of each day to work on just those things, or else end up stumbling around your own personal overgrown knee-high door-tree for the rest of time.
